RAPE, ITS EFFECTS AND THE CONCEPT OF CONSENT

Quite a number of stories have hit the media of late and this past week has got me reflecting on a lot of things. Emotions have been triggered, arguments arose, I've had unanswered questions and I just can't stop thinking and asking myself questions like "Why does almost every girl have a personal story about sexual abuse?" and "Why do we keep blaming the victims?". Well, on the quest to augment my knowledge, I made a little research and found out that according to the United Nations, it is estimated that 35 per cent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or sexual violence by a non-partner (not including sexual harassment) at some point in their lives. Evidence also shows that women who have experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence report higher rates of depression, having an abortion and acquiring HIV, compared to women who have not. Although there are no real statistics in Nigeria, it is believed that 7 out of 10 ladies have had an experience of sexual assault once or more in their lifetime. This past week has been filled with a lot of outbursts and outrage because different stories about rape and sexual assault keep surfacing every day that I can't seem to get my mind off it.

One of the things I got to establish during my conversations with some people is that a lot of people have a problem delineating what rape is so I visited Merriam Webster dictionary and it defines rape as an unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception. Rape was long considered to be caused by unbridled sexual desire, but it is now understood as a pathological assertion of power over a victim.

Another problem is that people do not understand the concept of Consent. Consent is an agreement between two parties (of equal mental capacities) to be involved in an act. Sex without consent from either party is rape and nothing else. Consent can also be withdrawn at any point and if one of the parties involved refuses to stop even after consent has been withdrawn, it is still rape. If you take advantage of a person's drunken or sleeping state, it is rape regardless. I think the issue of consent really needs to be reinforced in our society and the importance of this cannot be over emphasized.

It is an undeniable fact that any gender can fall victim of rape but this discussion is going to focus on the more vulnerable gender. It is quite sad that we live in a society that has gotten accustomed to apportioning the blame of rape on the victims rather than the perpetrator of the crime. We tend to ask questions like "WHAT WAS SHE PUTTING ON?" "WHY WAS SHE OUT THAT LATE?" "WHY DID SHE VISIT HIM IF SHE DIDN'T WANT SEX?". The level of blame shifting and victim shaming has made it difficult for rape victims to want to speak up or share their stories. We already live in a disadvantaged world. It's sad that as ladies, we always have to live in constant fear of being raped, harassed or assaulted. One question that I still find difficult to answer is : "why is it always the ladies fault?" To the best of my knowledge, no girl wants to ever get raped. She already has to live with the trauma for the rest of her life but the society always wants to add the shame, guilt and stigma to the already established trauma while the rapists go untouched in most cases and continue to roam the streets freely.

Often time than less, our parents have made it a point of duty to raise the girl child right by telling them to always dress properly, avoid visiting a guy's home, avoid staying out late at night and all sort. I think is about time we started teaching our sons to be well behaved and always respect a girls body and decisions instead. How about we teach our sons that NO MEANS NO, how about we teach them that CATCALLING a lady is wrong and disrespectful? How about we teach them that molesting a lady or spiking her drink could land them in jail? If only we started focusing on the boys just they way we do with the girls, maybe then we could have a better society.

Have you ever wondered how the lives of these victims change? Have you ever thought of the trauma and nightmare they always have to live with? Let's talk about some of the effects of rape on the victims in different categories.

Some of the physical effects of rape include: Bruising, Bleeding (vaginal or anal), Difficulty walking, Soreness, Broken or dislocated bones, Sexually transmitted infections and diseases, Pregnancy etc.

EFFECTS OF RAPE/ SEXUAL ASSAULT ON MENTAL HEALTH

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts
• Depression, including prolonged sadness, feelings of hopelessness, unexplained crying, weight loss or gain, loss of energy or interest in activities previously enjoyed
• Suicidal thoughts or attempts.
• Dissociation, including not being able to focus on work or on schoolwork, as well as not feeling present in everyday situations

EMOTIONAL EFFECTS OF RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT

• Changes in trusting others
• Anger and blame
• Shock
• Numbness
• Loss of control
• Disorientation
• Helplessness
• Sense of vulnerability
• Fear
• Self-blame/guilt for “allowing” the crime to happen
• Feeling that these reactions are a sign of weakness

With all of these possible trauma that the victim already has to live with, it's quite unfortunate how we always want to blame them for 'putting themselves in the position to get raped'. This is something most people tend to do and that as a "thought process" needs to be completely eradicated. Who do we blame in instances where children less than the age of 10 get sexually assaulted or molested? The victim or the rapist? Do we blame the child for dressing in a seductive manner? Does she get blamed for staying out late? 

I believe rape cannot in its magnanimity be exhausted as a topic so I would like to take a pause here. Although i genuinely feel that while sensitization and sex education need to be reinforced and taught to the boys, strict and severe punishments for rape should also be put in place.